Im Losing My Faith Again Im Losing My Faith Again Lyrics

Alessandra New Fellow member

+12

Great britain

Catholic

Single

I don't know how to commencement. I judge I will say that I am losing my faith in God. I don't want to. But I'm not sure how I can hang on anymore. I merely haven't had many reasons to believe that A) He exists, and B) that He fifty-fifty cares that I question Him. I have prayed repeatedly for Him to reveal Himself to me, to give me some sort of sign, and to help restore my faith. It seems as if the door is shut to me. I used to be able to feel God's presence when I prayed, I could encounter Him at work in my life and I could even hear Him speaking through my heart. I no longer feel His presence, I retrieve that the times I thought He was working in my life were simply coincidences or my own doing, and anytime I think I might exist hearing God's voice in my heart, I heavily doubtfulness it, and wonder if information technology'south only me telling my own cocky what I want to hear.
I can't pinpoint how and when this crisis of faith came to be, only it has been ongoing for a good yr at present. Fifty-fifty though, on the surface, I seem to have a very blessed life (great career, independence, secure finances, strong/healthy family, long-life friends, and the take chances to travel and live abroad similar I've always dreamed) it'due south been a very hard year for me emotionally. I am 40 and single; I've never been married, and I'm pretty sure I volition never have kids. I know my single-status is mainly due to my existence shy and reserved around men, and I'chiliad not very fit. I just don't retrieve I'grand very desirable to men. I accept depression self-esteem. I know that…only it'due south hard not to, when no i has actually always given me a reason to experience good about myself.

In my head I know I tin't rely on others to make me experience worthy or loved. I know I have to put myself "out there" and open myself upwards to others. I know I accept to have trust and religion in God. I know I have to trust His timing and His plan.

However, in my heart I don't feel any of that. It'due south really hard to feel worthy when no one in my life gives me reason to believe I am. It's hard to show confidence and put myself out there when I don't think anyone would want me anyway. It's hard to take religion in God when I continually pray to Him nigh this very aspect of my life, but repeatedly go no response. It'southward hard to believe in Him when I plead and weep out to Him night after night, with most no response.

I am rambling at present. But I guess I but want to know: how can I hang on to my faith and belief in God when I just don't feel information technology anymore? How can I regain hope?
Neostarwcc We are saved purely by the piece of work and grace of God. Supporter

+3,482

Usa

Calvinist

Married
I know what it feels like to exist depressed. I struggled with depression for over twenty years, I even have a mental illness that needs to exist treated regularly with medication. Anyway, I am an ex atheist who didn't believe in God for a long time. I never actually was religious when I was younger, I was raised Catholic but never actually went through with the faith. I struggled for years trying to discover God and when I finally found him back in 2013 I no longer was depressed anymore. My low melted away.
You will be in my prayers. I hope you will discover God again and I will be praying that your low melts away like mine did. When I constitute God information technology was the happiest twenty-four hour period of my life. Good luck and God bless yous.
- Friendly x three
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vinsight4u Correspondent

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United states

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Last edited: Oct 22, 2017
Neostarwcc We are saved purely by the piece of work and grace of God. Supporter

+3,482

Us

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Well, I always believed in Jesus since I was a three year erstwhile pretty much. I never really believed him as my Lord and Savior until 4 years ago. I just believed that he existed and he was a man. I starting time came to Jesus for salvation and didn't pray to the Father or whatsoever other God. When I came to Jesus for salvation I asked him for proof of God since I was an Atheist at the fourth dimension and I but didn't believe at that place was a God. He of class, didn't reply me. Until that dark I had a dream. I saw my entire born again experience, I saw Jesus (As a silhouette), I saw the Holy Spirit, I saw sky and all of it's glory. I saw everything. That's why I believe that our souls are sinless when nosotros are born again. I saw the Holy Spirit as it entered inside of my soul cleanse my soul from all sin.
I've been a believer e'er since and I probably will never plow my back on God again. E'er since and then the Holy Spirit has been guiding me into all truth. Hopefully that answers your question. If not, I don't really know why or how I came to God, I just did. God lead me to himself.
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Information technology seems to me your belief nearly God is a reflection of how you feel people perceive you. You announced to exist proverb you don't believe people are loving you in a style you call back they should. You lot want to run across and feel that love, but information technology seems then afar. And because of that, you are looking at God in the same way—equally being absent from your life.
ane. You don't need to see a sign or feel the presence of God to know of His love. God already showed you how much He loves you when Jesus gave His life for you. And if you are having a hard time assertive in that, then I recommend you read a book chosen The Example for Christ

2. You lot said you are shy. Could it be possible that yous might have a different outlook on life if y'all larn how to overcome that? I think so. Work towards overcoming your shyness by getting involved in more than social activities. Perchance you lot tin can donate some of your time towards reaching out to people who are less fortunate than yourself. There are all kinds of charitable programs in demand of volunteers. You volition meet new friends and assist people at the aforementioned time.

3. You said you lot feel you are not very fit. If you feel you are non where you would like to be in terms of your advent, then a diet and practice program can be very helpful. Cutting out the saccharide. No more fruit juices and soda; drink water instead. You will exist shocked to run into the divergence this makes! Also, cutting out the junk nutrient and fried foods. Limit the corporeality of dairy and carbs you swallow. In other words, follow a salubrious diet. Equally for practise, yous can walk at a proficient pace for 30 minutes to 1 hour a solar day. You will lose weight and feel the departure. Past the manner, Apple Cider Vinegar has been very helpful to me in losing weight. Look it upwards.

We dearest you, Alessandra. Don't give up on God.
Tempura Noob Supporter

+ii,037

Republic of finland

Lutheran

Unmarried
I have times when I severely incertitude, don't experience anything, and feel like my organized religion is beingness taken abroad from me.
Which is when I just persevere. I pray, fully acknowledge my weak faith to God, ask for guidance, and effort to concentrate on everything except myself after that, for example asking blessings for the people I intendance about, fifty-fifty for those I don't, and try to look at things and people past my cocky-centered country, because it's entirely possible for me to love instead of waiting the feeling of being loved and getting bitter about it. But I know these doubts, these things and how it feels. It feels like everything is taken from me and I'm falling apart, but it ever ends the same way: a sinner (me) going to Christ, and praying with all his weak religion to the very God he doubts. That's an honest prayer, and it'southward well-nigh actively clinging on to promise. In fourth dimension, I will find I bounced back. I merely had something to learn.

Sometimes faith is a choice. For me, it's most of the time. If faith was about feeling God, I would've lost my organized religion many times, because my feelings are fickle and they often betray me. I accept "feeling God" as a blessing, as something that doesn't accept to terminal, but it yet gives me something that'll stick with me, fifty-fifty when I don't feel God anymore. Something has been planted in me however. I simply take to recollect it.

Yous're struggling, and that's a better affair than what you think information technology is. These struggles will allow you to call back nigh what the essence of faith actually is, and all of these struggles will bear witness you the pregnant of staying stiff. Existence strong isn't about lying to yourself, to God or anyone else, it's about understanding the situation forth with your weaknesses, and not giving upwards. Staying strong isn't about pretending. If your feelings requite up, you don't accept to follow them. If you feel horrible you feel what yous experience, but you hope for what yous DON'T feel. That's where hope thrives, in an environment where we FEEL we're hopeless. Where there's struggle, there'southward often spiritual growth too. Little parts of us getting born again, in a manner. Sometimes it'south proficient for us to feel absolutely hollow, empty and useless in front of God. Information technology can pave mode for something else, something stronger, and it can help u.s. to throw a lot of baggage away in the procedure, when that twenty-four hour period comes.

Said a prayer for you lot. No fear. You lot'll hang on, and you will notice, in time, that it paid off. God won't leave you. You lot don't have to convince Him to love you lot, He already does. You don't have to feel Him either, He's more powerful than our feelings. Mayhap you'll be blessed to feel Him again. Ane day at a fourth dimension, sister.
- Friendly x ii
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Jeshu Bought past His Blood Supporter

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Australia

Christian

Married
Unbelief.
Your voice turned me utterly insane,
believing your suggestions
thinking there is no God.
For you betrayed my Expert Life,
pushing me into that abysmal pit,
into fiery Hell for years on end.

Flying correct through my reality,
your miserable voice dividing
myself confronting myself,
your taunts attacking faithful self,
hopelessness cut me upwardly,
your lies barring access to true Life!

No organized religion feeding my starving soul,
instead doubt, confusion and terror,
false bear witness locking my hopes abroad,
devoid from true self or any expert thing,
torturing me in those dark dungeons,
you only ever set out to murder me!

Honey sister in Christ,
Yes depression does that - information technology shakes everything that is not stone solid to pieces - our faith in God as well. i call back conspicuously how i agonised the death of my faith in my religious icons it was horrible, very much the aforementioned equally you describe in your story going downwardly hill.
Why would God get out me in ruins i used to think. Why does he hate me? and like you - does he fifty-fifty exist in the first identify? This lasted for years and in the end i was suicidal and but wanted to dice God or no God i didn't care - all i wanted was to exist dead. i begged my wife to permit me to kill myself and was furious with her disagreeing with me at the time.

Notwithstanding the issue was not God non existing but me non knowing Him that was the problem my love battler. For one night suddenly Jesus was with me in Spirit and asked me how i was doing. To my shame i take to admit that i raged at Jesus i was and then angry He had left me out in the cold when i had needed Him and then badly for then many years. it was and then that my eyes were opened to the crucified God of the Bible. For not only did Jesus show me how i had generated my own depression by heeding the negativity believing the lies my hopelessness, despair, regret, doubt, guilt, unbelief, misery and fear kept firing my way, and hurting Jesus badly doing that, who i at present saw was, is and volition always be abreast me suffering my pain like no one else did, not even myself.

it was a fiery ordeal sis seeing how my dubiousness and unbelief, in item, had literally killed drowned out the Vocalisation of Jesus hurting me right inside my own eye. i have to admit i was cut to the eye when i saw how unbelieving and unfaithful i had been to Jesus feeding unbelief instead of faith in Him then stamping all over Him and pain Him every bit well equally myself doing this.

One thing i did sympathize tho and that was that Jesus was, is and will ever exist very real regardless of how i feel about Him. As a matter of fact i realised that feelings are fickle and untrustworthy to tell united states the truth we need to run across and hear in difficult times.

Anyway after that night i began to rebuild my skilful life with Jesus. i struggle with much hardship let me clinch you, only Jesus grew stronger and stronger in me heart and became more and more than visible in my life as fourth dimension went by. It took me simply over 3 1/2 years to become away from the worst of my low and at present 12 years later i'g doing really well even though i take proven to suffer from a depressive illness that keeps reoccurring, my low has been nowhere most as bad as it wax all that time agone when i was rock bottom.

i suggest that you lot permit go of everything you been taught virtually Jesus by religion and to re-notice Him through the bible and through the skilful life He will build in your eye when you dare to decline dubiety and unbelief and chuck them out of your psyche and let Him rebuild you lot - day by twenty-four hour period through faith, love and hope - for honest religion in God's love brings u.s.a. hope - and hope in Truthful God volition never disappoint - while faith in religious icons leaves us rock bottom and without any help when we need Him.

The skilful thing of an undoubted faith is that depression tin never torture similar it did before He came into my life for real. For no thing how bad the down gets Jesus will give ability and insight to sympathise why i need to exist so low and how to go abroad from it once the bulletin has been understood.

So i suggest you lot to dump doubtfulness and unbelief rather than your faith in God but do sympathize that your faith in God can exist very much stronger and more helpful than information technology currently is. For now i find that no one helps and supports me more than than Jesus when i struggle rock bottom and that is greatest gift of all in my life for i'm downwardly the dumps regularly.

Much love considering all this.

Peace.

The Ragamuffin Of My Beingness
Begging I lay beside the road, unable to get-up or move on.
Paralysed later on a viscous assault when I was only a little kid
bloodied I stared at my wretched existence for many years.
Promise had gone, pain throbbing, hungry and thirsty, common cold and alone,
the inner demons dragging me deeper and deeper down the bleed,
helpless the wicked abused my life, robbing me of all my possessions.

Well-nigh of my life I lay there beside the road alone
I don't know how I survived my miserable existence,
by-passers ofttimes bashed me, blaming me for their detest.
At first I was raped dark after night for years,
lately mainly tortured for fell fun and cheap thrills,
oh yeah, those wicked ones accept been pain me!

Not ofttimes accept peels been part of my diet,
weeds, grass, rotten fruit and insects,
that's what I ate, such meagre meals.
I was skin over bones and smelled similar sewage.
Walking dead, longing for an early ending.
I didn't experience worthy to carry the name human.

All of a sudden I became enlightened of a pleasant odor,
a beautifully perfumed visitor, a rich stranger,
he knelt beside abreast me and took hold of me
I thought, perchance he'll give me something worthwhile,
I'd better ask apace earlier he goes on his manner,
normally the rich don't always stop to talk to me!

Facing the visitor I croaked through parched lips,
please? I am unable to motion and very hungry,
my last visitor abused me and I'm hurting bad,
could you spare me some food or coin,
a sip of water, I'm so thirsty right now?
Expectantly I looked upwards into the man'south eyes.

Chewing delicious staff of life I stared at the stranger,
the young wine had refreshed me completely
where did all this come from I wonder?
My gustatory modality-buds were in Heaven and so was I
I couldn't believe what I was hearing
I recall his lips pronounce the words;

"Shalom... Beloved...

..You're almost welcome, my child," he said,
"Swallow your fill, here, have some other sip of wine,
your clothes are all worn, dirty and broken.
At home I have some new make clean garments your size,
a warm bath and a place of prophylactic and rest,
awaiting my dwelling-place high-up New Eden street."

That's what he said, and that's what he did for me!
Amazed I watched as out of nowhere servants arrived,
gently lifting me out of my grime and of the street,
conveying me along an all together different route,
right to the meridian of a well-nigh beautiful mountain hill,
halting before a mansion I didn't know could exist.

A doctor came and tended my wounds and sores
ointments soothing, smelling like fragrant herbs
a massage, gently, carefully rejuvenating me.
Years long ache disappearing, well-existence arriving,
heaven on earth how could all this be for me,
when did I practice anything to deserve this treatment?

A gentle knock on my door, every bit I lay sleeping
in a massive bedroom, adorned for royalty.
"You've been invited at The Feast tonight."
I recollect this loving moment fleetingly pass by,
how lovely he looked standing there,
"and Dad said he likes to meet you lot too."

I remember how confused I had been, Dad?
A party tonight, seeing Dad, who and what else?
Why is he looking later on me then fantastically well?
My listen was in turmoil after all these events,
several hours ago I however lay dying in my filth,
and now..? now I was so alive and then fulfilled!

Gratitude arose like paradise restored within,
never earlier did I feel so much thankfulness,
I'd been rescued from a life of painful misery,
saved from the wretchedness of my existence,
restored to homo dignity, loved and cared for,
deep downwards I knew Life had plant me for adept.
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vinsight4u Contributor

+2,604

United States

Christian

Individual

Last edited: Oct xi, 2017
Jeshu Bought by His Claret Supporter

+7,433

Commonwealth of australia

Christian

Married
You discover it difficult to read my poems in greenish impress that is first time someone said something about that.
Sorry about that

Unbelief.
Your voice turned me utterly insane,
believing your suggestions
thinking there is no God.
For you betrayed my Practiced Life,
pushing me into that bottomless pit,
into fiery Hell for years on finish.

Flight right through my reality,
your miserable voice dividing
myself against myself,
your taunts attacking faithful self,
hopelessness cutting me up,
your lies barring access to true Life!

No faith feeding my starving soul,
instead doubt, confusion and terror,
faux evidence locking my hopes abroad,
devoid from truthful self or any good thing,
torturing me in those dark dungeons,
you only ever set out to murder me!

The Beggar Of My Being
Begging I lay abreast the road, unable to get-up or move on.
Paralysed later a pasty assault when I was just a piffling kid
bloodied I stared at my wretched existence for many years.
Promise had gone, pain throbbing, hungry and thirsty, cold and lonely,
the inner demons dragging me deeper and deeper downwardly the drain,
helpless the wicked abused my life, robbing me of all my possessions.

Most of my life I lay there abreast the route alone
I don't know how I survived my miserable existence,
by-passers frequently bashed me, blaming me for their detest.
At first I was raped nighttime after night for years,
lately mainly tortured for barbarous fun and cheap thrills,
oh yes, those wicked ones accept been pain me!

Not often have peels been part of my nutrition,
weeds, grass, rotten fruit and insects,
that's what I ate, such meagre meals.
I was skin over bones and smelled like sewage.
Walking dead, longing for an early on ending.
I didn't feel worthy to carry the name human.

All of a sudden I became aware of a pleasant odour,
a beautifully perfumed company, a rich stranger,
he knelt abreast beside me and took hold of me
I thought, maybe he'll give me something worthwhile,
I'd better ask quickly before he goes on his way,
normally the rich don't e'er stop to talk to me!

Facing the visitor I croaked through parched lips,
delight? I am unable to move and very hungry,
my concluding company abused me and I'chiliad hurting bad,
could you spare me some food or money,
a sip of water, I'm so thirsty right at present?
Expectantly I looked up into the homo'south optics.

Chewing delicious bread I stared at the stranger,
the immature wine had refreshed me completely
where did all this come up from I wonder?
My gustatory modality-buds were in Heaven and and so was I
I couldn't believe what I was hearing
I remember his lips pronounce the words;

"Shalom... Beloved...

..Yous're most welcome, my child," he said,
"Consume your fill, here, accept some other sip of wine,
your dress are all worn, dirty and broken.
At habitation I have some new clean garments your size,
a warm bath and a identify of safety and rest,
awaiting my dwelling-place high-upwards New Eden street."

That'southward what he said, and that's what he did for me!
Amazed I watched as out of nowhere servants arrived,
gently lifting me out of my grime and of the street,
carrying me along an all together different route,
right to the top of a most beautiful mountain hill,
halting before a mansion I didn't know could exist.

A doctor came and tended my wounds and sores
ointments soothing, smelling like fragrant herbs
a massage, gently, carefully rejuvenating me.
Years long anguish disappearing, well-being arriving,
heaven on earth how could all this be for me,
when did I do anything to deserve this treatment?

A gentle knock on my door, as I lay sleeping
in a massive bedroom, adorned for royalty.
"You've been invited at The Feast this evening."
I recall this loving moment fleetingly pass by,
how lovely he looked standing there,
"and Dad said he likes to run into yous likewise."

I remember how confused I had been, Dad?
A party this evening, seeing Dad, who and what else?
Why is he looking after me so fantastically well?
My mind was in turmoil after all these events,
several hours ago I nonetheless lay dying in my filth,
and now..? now I was then alive and so fulfilled!

Gratitude arose like paradise restored within,
never before did I feel and then much thankfulness,
I'd been rescued from a life of painful misery,
saved from the wretchedness of my existence,
restored to human being dignity, loved and cared for,
deep down I knew Life had establish me for practiced.
- Like x ane
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JaimeA1 New Fellow member

+13

U.s.a.

Christian

Single

Wow... Alessandra, that is exactly how I feel right now. I've been struggling with this for several years now. I experience like God just doesn't seem to care almost my bug even though I take been praying and pleading with him about it, request him to just assist me. Simply like you, I was walking closely with the Lord prior to this whole faith issue. Praying is hard, because I feel like why would God answer any of my prayers if he hasn't this far. I don't accept any religion that he will aid me, so praying just reminds me of that and I don't want to loose the last bit of hope that I accept. Reading the Bible does not help much either, information technology merely seems to make things worse because how am I supposed to belive any promises when non of my prayers have been answered. Going to church is depressing. All those people are happy and "blessed", and they just don't get it at all. After trying to explain to well meaning christians about what was happening in my life, they would but get frustrated. All they would say is "you need to practise this", or "yous need to do that", or in that location is some secret unconfessed sin, or you need to pray more... Some Christians would even doubt that I walked sincerily with God before this problem in the first place and that can be very disheartening. I feel like why do I have to do annihilation? Why doesn't God only come and rescue me when I am in this deep pit? I alredy accept tried everything I could. Yes, I read the Bible daily and prayed, and went to church when this began to happen. I had Christian councelling and even medication for depression. Merely non of these things have helped me. Maybe I don't have faith, ok... well, can't God merely help me despite that, when I am sincerity begging him? No, I don't try to go his blessings by my works, merit, or sincerity, I go it that non of u.s.a. tin can earn information technology. My trouble is, those times I idea he answered me seem more than similar just coincidences and not really God helping me. Where is God's comfort, is it real? or does God only "speak" to me when I turn on the Christan radio or pray or read the Bible? I want to have a human relationship with the existent God non merely with my wishful thinking. And as any other human being I need to know that God is real in my life and that He does speak to me and answers my prayers.
I accept these doubts, and I am weeping as I am writing this, because I experience like I accept nothing to hold on to and no more forcefulness to concord on and believe that God even exists.
I feel like the only ane who can help me is God alone, but he hasn't, or st least I cannot see his help and it makes it unbearable at times.
I'thousand in my mid 30s, single, never married, and no kids. Today I felt especially depressed about that. What Christian human being would always want an unbelieving/doubtful woman every bit a wife? What kind of a Christian companion would I make? Who would want to carry this burden? Besides, how can y'all start a healthy christian wedlock when ane of the partners is having a religion crisis? Aye, in that location are plenty of secular men who would arroyo me, simply what part does a laic have with an unbeliever? And information technology hurts, because I wanted to get married in my 20s but considering of all this it has been impossible. While I don't want to belive this, I feel like in my life, if it'southward to be and so information technology's up to me, and God helps those who aid themselves. I don't want to live assertive that.
I am not asking for signs and wonders, just for God to evidence upwards and finally assistance me and be my strong deliverer. But right now I feel like this will never happen. I feel like God just doesn't care about this, if He does wouldn't he accept helped me past now?
Sorry Alessandra that I don't have annihilation helpful or encouraging to say to you. I was seeking to post my own frustration to anyone who'd merely accept a heart to listen and not simply shoot out the advice or pass on judgement when I stumbled beyond your post. Distressing that you lot are having it rough correct now too.
paul1149 that your religion might rest in the power of God Supporter

+5,192

United States

Christian

Private

US-Others

I pray that I have said this the right way.
A lot of us have come up to this place at some bespeak in life, where the store of religion seems to have been exhausted, and we're non getting answers or a new supply for moving on. The harder we pray, the weaker nosotros become. All efforts, such as Bible reading, seem to be self works, and to profit zilch. Nosotros can't understand the silence, and we begin to reason, is God really honey, or does He even exist? It all sounds so reasonable, considering if He is God He could do something, we think.

God does save us from distresses, and sometimes directly and fifty-fifty spectacularly. But there are other times where in His perfect wisdom, and for our ain skillful, He chooses to allow the states to taste of the trial. In 2Cor 12, Paul was in such a place, and he asked iii times that it be lifted, just the respond was "My grace is sufficient. Power is perfected in weakness" (cf Zech 4.half dozen-7).

Does God want u.s.a. to endure? Admittedly not (Lam 3.33). Merely when it happens, as it does in this very fallen world, it should bulldoze us to, non abroad from, the cross.

Brother woobadooba, above, has, in my stance, given the key to overcoming this trial and coming out on the victory side. Christ on the cross has shown for all time that God is love. He gave the ultimate sacrifice for each of the states. That simply is not longer in question. If God isn't responding to our natural prayers, it may be that He requires a paradigm shift in which we stride out of ourselves and immerse ourselves in Him.

The problem on a functional level with depression, discouragement and looking at circumstances is that the focus begins to be placed on ourselves and how nosotros feel. God is notwithstanding nominally in the picture, but not in a powerful mode. We usually at this point are praying our feelings, and all that actually does is ostend and strengthen them. Information technology is not really a prayer of faith in God'due south goodness (run into Heb xi.vi). And James 5 tells u.s. that it is the prayer of faith that saves the ill.

In a sense, at this betoken we can be trying too difficult to attain God. We pray harder, we read harder, etc. Merely none of it is actual abandonment to God in faith. None of it gets united states off ourselves and onto God.

If any of this resonates, I would suggest simply sitting at the feet of the Lord silently, equally did Mary at Bethany. Meditate on what He has already done for you, get-go with the vicious cantankerous. At that place's really enough there to go along us busy for quite a while. Brainstorm to count the blessings you already take. I submit they are without stop. Requite Philippians a practiced read, specially chps 3 and 4, which deal with letting get of the by and of self, and embracing the new life with a new attitude of thankfulness and goodness and joy.

That attitude shift can be extremely powerful, and not only for the internal emotions. Jesus promises us that if we make clean the within of the cup, the exterior will be clean too. The Lord knows how to open doors when the time is right, and when He does there is no man who can shut them (Rev 3.seven).

A little book that might aid is Carothers' Prison to Praise.
JaimeA1 New Member

+thirteen

U.s.a.

Christian

Single
Paul -- cheers for your response, and support, I appreciate you posting a reply. While I agree with you lot on some, if not near of what you have posted, I need to clarify a few things.
Starting time, Bible reading, prayer, connecting with other Christians were non my attempts at trying to make myself more spiritual or do works in that sense. Rather, I was every bit you lot suggested, trying "to sit at the feet of Jesus" and mind to Him through these things. Now I will say that we all have a personal experience and walk with God, and while information technology may exist like, it volition not be necessarily the same equally for someone else. My point existence is that those things accept non worked for me in this situation. Also, depression and trials are experienced differently by anybody and in different degrees. Sometimes it is not something big, merely something small that is killing yous. Sometimes the "large" trial is nothing in comparison to some "smaller" temptation. I've had times in my life, where turning away from thinking or focusing on myself/my issues and instead focusing on God would assist. Sometimes I would have to force myself to do information technology or if I'd fail, I would go along to try and focus on Jesus. However, I have learned, that this and other such things are non always the right solution or what I may need at the time. I'chiliad certain you have probably heard of C.H. Spurgeon. He had struggled with deep depressive episodes throughout his life. Now, I in no way compare myself to him, but this is (my paraphrase) what he said about information technology all. He said that nil that he did (prayed, read, sought God) would assist him, except the prayers of his closest friend. I don't get how a spiritual behemothic similar himself was not able to "reach out and recieve" God's help. I'm sure he had religion, and I'yard sure he diligently sought God. Withal, zilch that he did helped.
James does say about the "prayer of faith", yet information technology does not mention whose faith. Perchance it was Spurgeon's friends' prayer, in that example, merely I don't recollect that the preacher lacked organized religion either (my personal opinion).
Mayhap there is a demand in "epitome shift" for my life, I don't know. 10 years ago, that would have been my advice to myself and to others It is something that has helped me in by bug for certain.
To be more clear, I am asking the "why" questions of God, and I understand that I may never get the answers to them in this life. In fact, I understand that some "answers" are irrelevant and will non solve the problem. What I am seeking, is an "answer" that just God tin give. Over again, I don't even dare to compare myself to someone like Job but just to illustrate what I mean: Job asked God many questions. God did not really reply them, he just answered Job. Whatever information technology was that God did, it was what Job needed. I think God first guided Job into the truth which in plow led to Job' southward prototype shift. I believe God acting in that state of affairs was the primal. Perhaps some will say that at present that we have the Bible, and direct admission to God through Jesus, we accept the truth or the reply that we need. I believe that information technology is both, yes and no. While we demand to cull to believe the truth, I think that God himself (the Holy Spirit) must enable us. I don't recollect that C.H. Spurgeon was lacking in either of these (my opinion). Also, while nosotros may "have" the truth, how often do we forget it?
So maybe I don't take religion. Merely who tin enable me? Did not Jesus raise the expressionless? They had no organized religion. Maybe I won't take the respond but need a series of answers over my life time, I don't know. One thing I do know is that I am just man, and while all these things may make perfect sense in my head, information technology is another thing to have it in my center.
Paul, please don't go me wrong, I appreciate you reaching out and am greatful for that.
Alessandra, sorry, I don't mean to "hijack" your mail service. I but didn't know that someone else was going through something similar. What you lot've posted helped me to not feel then alone.
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paul1149 that your religion might rest in the power of God Supporter

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Thanks, @JaimeA1. In that location's a lot of truth and insight in your mail service. I didn't know that chestnut almost Spurgeon, though I did know he struggled with depression. James does say to solicit the prayers of the elders, then his friend praying for him might have been the upholding of his arms, as they did with Moses during a certain battle, that Spurgeon needed.
Sometimes it seems we need to go through things. The bottom line for me is that fifty-fifty when I'g not on my best game, I endeavour to call up the unfailing love of Christ. That eases the pain a bit, and gives me hope that the victory is coming.
Tempura Noob Supporter

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...perhaps, in some way, the prayer of Spurgeon's friend worked in the same way: Spurgeon almost likely felt understood at last. You and the OP experience the same burden. Something skilful tin come out of that. And perhaps both of you lot tin exist "that friend" to each other, in one way or another. Whenever I want any advice or support, information technology'southward great if I go information technology from someone who has "been in that location". Not to say that I despise other communication, I don't.
Willing-center In Christ Alone. Supporter

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Unless a person has the gift of remaining single, he or she ought to pray specifically, definitively, and un-embarrassingly for God to provide them with a partner. Even a partner is non going to complete us considering only God tin can. Then above all else, Honey God and trust Him as your cornerstone. Strength will rise as wait upon the Lord. I trust God hears all your prayers.
Nosotros acquire from people in the Bible, we learn from examples, from their sins, failures, repentance and their godly lives. But if nosotros e'er just larn from people and miss comprehending the character of God and what God wants us to know about Him in these stories and so nosotros miss everything.

(Revelation 5:8) The Angels and the Elders are holding aureate bowls… What's inside them? The prayers of the Saints. They are not dirt jars, they are 'Golden bowls'. This shows that God keeps our prayers in Gilt bowls to bear witness how much He values, loves and treasures them all.
Fall Upon Your Knees…